& my world will be coloured.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Arghs ! You guessed it , you guessed it ! I'm really unhappy . I cried for a moment & ii stopped . I hate to hear certain words nor sentences from you . I hate it , cause it hurts me terribly . It's painful , some kind of pain that no one will ever taste it . Sharp pain in my heart . This is an indescribable feeling . It's not totally that , but it's hard to explain it out . ARGHHH !!!

I felt a sudden change in you . Changes in you . I hate this change in you . I HATE IT ! What made you change ? Me ? ARGHHH !!! You might be wondering , what had you change into ? Well , perhaps im being silly . You might / will definitely say me being too sensitive . But i must say , this time round im not being sensitive because , on the way back home from AMK hub , you were damn quiet . Okay , this is nothing , cause you'll say this is natural . WHATEVER . I tried every means in making you talk , but still it didn't work . I longed for your smile on you , but it didn't appear to be what ii expected . Im disappointed & speechless . ARGHHH !!!

Can you not change ? Not a single bit ? Cause im not used to it . Definitely NO . I want the "YOU" before all these changes . A "YOU" that will share your problems with me , a "YOU" that's smiling , REAL smile , everyday ?

Or perhaps , Im thinking too much again , like what you'd said .

I was online-d since ii reached home . I was hoping for you to get online cause you said you MIGHT online. Waited for so long & you didn't appear to be online . I called you , you said you were watching tv , okay , ii don't disturb you . I hanged up . I really hope to be with you , anywhere will do , even when we are in "virtual" world . Gaming together is definitely better than having to be left alone .

We were on the line once again , a few minutes before you get onto bed . I forget what I'd said . I remember the part which you said , "forget it , ii don't want to force you to say" . I teared . Why ? Why must this phrase "FORGET IT" came out from you ? "FORGET IT" to me is another term of giving up . I wanted to say already . Thinking of how to phrase it so that the sentence will sound better . But before ii opened my mouth , you said that . Since you said that , I've nothing more to add on . Cause my mind was a blank already . I didn't know you'll say it . Never will ii think of it .
Previously , you will always persuade me to say what im thinking exactly , but because of what you'd said just now , ii felt like crying again .

What had happened ? Has anything happened between us ? Has our communication become a problem now ? I hate to say this . ARGHHH . I want to know what you'r thinking exactly .

For example , you sent me home today . I didn't want you to send me all the way to my doorstep , or rather void deck is because of the kpo uncle below . I don't want him to look in the way that I expected . I explained to you , but your reaction was not , " Oh , okay , I understand . " It was , " But nevermind what , so what if he sees it ? What if... " WHATEVER .

You'd always give me fake smile / laughter , in RL and on phone . I hate it okay . Sometimes ii said some cold jokes to make you laugh . I know , some isn't funny at all , i know it , but don't give me fake laughter . Cause it'll make me even more sad . I want to cheer you up by all means . But because of your fake laughter , it made me sad . ARGHHH .

Am i being idiotic ? Every small little things im commenting on it .

Labels : I want a "YOU" before any changes took place . Can you be what you were like previously ? Longing of it . I NEED YOU ,YOUR UNCHANGED-YOU .

♥ June wrote this @ 12:58 AM